ARIMS "New and Unimproved!" Award

ARIMS "New and Unimproved!" Award
from A Rock In My Shoe
by Richard Bradley
www.arockinmyshoe.com

You've heard of the Darwin Awards and Stella Awards, right? The Darwin award is given each year to that person who reduces the human gene pool for idiocy by getting himself killed while acting like a total jerk. The Stella Awards—named after Stella Liebeck, the woman who spilled coffee on herself at a McDonald's restaurant and was awarded $2.9 million in damages—goes to that person who best personifies, "It was my fault, but I sued you anyway and won."

Those awards are fine for individuals, but it's high time we honor corporations and institutions as well.

Introducing the A Rock In My Shoe "New and Unimproved!" Awards. Yes, it's new! It's fancier! And it's even worse than the original! In the grand tradition of the Susan B. Anthony dollar, New Coke, and any Mustang made after 1972, the ARIMS "New and Unimproved!" Award goes to that company or institution that provides the best example of "Hey, it ain't broke, but let's fix it anyway." We'll announce the award at the end of 2004, so keep an eye out for good examples and send them in. Just send an e-mail to me or post it on the Ramblings Discussion Board in the new area designated for it. The winner—and the best runners up—will be posted here next year.

To kick off the award, here's my own submission for 2003. Since this was the only example submitted this year, I guess I win. Ha! But this will give you an idea of what we're looking for.

This year's ARIMS New and Unimproved! Award goes to Verizon for the redesign of their monthly billing statement. Admittedly, my circle of friends do not necessarily represent mainstream America, but no one I've informally surveyed prefers Verizon's new monthly statement over the old one. Why is it that some companies just can't leave well enough alone? Is it that someone within the organization gets promoted and needs to come up with a project to justify his new position? Or was the offending department perhaps running a budget surplus and forced to make a hurried decision on how to spend the extra money before it was taken away from them?

In fairness, Verizon's new billing statement is easy to read and organized well enough. However, I no longer remember what the old bill looked like and any "improvement" ends right there.

If you're like me, when you get a bill you don't run straight from your mailbox to your checkbook. You put the bill aside for a day or two. And where do you put it? With other bills, right?

Most bills (indeed, most all business correspondenc)) come in a #10 envelope or its equivalent in a shorter length. They are 4 inches high. This is Evolution 101. Natural selection by Species Envelopus has determined over the last century that envelopes of the same height tend to seek each other out. They find themselves stacked in the same piles, stored in the same mail slots and cubby holes, and filed in the same shoe boxes.

Is the "new look" Verizon bill 4 inches high? No, it towers at almost 6 inches. It's a pariah in the envelope community, not fitting in anywhere. It's shunned by all the Sprint, Con Edison, and Time-Warner Cable envelopes. Hey, it's one thing to stand out from the crowd, but we're not talking Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer here.

So every month my Verizon bill must be mangled and bent in order for it to fit in with the other guys. I'm unimpressed with this "improvement." In fact, every time I must unstuff, unfold and straighten out that bill I consider changing phone companies.

But that's not all. The new-look Verizon bill now has it's flap on the bottom! You just gotta wonder what they were thinking.

Congratulations, Verizon!

Return to Top.

The Rocks Ramblings Guest Appearances What's Your Rock?
Discussion Board F.A.Q. About Richard Links Mailing List Contact Us Home