Guest Appearance: Money, Marriage and Merle

Money has a very interesting relationship with the non-rock star musician. When I meet someone at a party and someone asks me what I do, I say I am a musician. The very next question most commonly asked is, "Do you make a living at it?"

This question was not asked when I was a school teacher. When someone says they are an investment banker, you don't say, "Yeah but do you make a living at it?" It's true that it is hard to make money at music, (more people are willing to play music for free than investment bank for free as a general rule), but if someone says they are a musician, it is respectful to that person to assume that they are telling the truth and not grill them with an informal audit of their net worth.

Years ago when people began recording music, many musicians were opposed to the idea. They were afraid that records would replace the musicians, and they would all be out of work. The initial boom of recorded music turned out to make many musicians more popular and richer than they ever imagined, but eventually as time goes on and we accumulate more and more years of recorded music, live music is requested by the people less and less. The general pool of musicians get paid less than they did in the nineteen-seventies. That is in actual nineteen-seventies dollars without adjustments for inflation. It's a tough racket but there are some nice perks too:

1. Free alcohol to accompany complaining about this very topic.

2. Being on the road with a bunch of your friends, drinking and destroying hotel rooms and calling it "work."

3. Having people think you get a lot of action.

4. People expect you to be late and forget things.

5. All the free fried bar food your stomach lining can hold.

6. You get to stay inside on sunny days without any guilt, because you're going to practice.

7. You don't need one of those damn alarm clock contraptions.

8. Wearing ugly clothes and people think it's on purpose.

9. You get to hear really funny drummer jokes.

10. You get to be on the cover of Rolling Stone all the time.

I have been running into a lot of people getting married lately. I can count 8 couples that I know without even trying. Is it because I am at the age where many people have decided they are ready to pull down their pants for one woman/man only (doctors excluded), or has my environment been struck with a case of marriage fever?

Hide your dogs, hide the rice and the mediocre chicken and beef dishes. Male rock musicians hide your one pony tail holder and your one suit (the one that the ladies see and say, "I've never seen you in a suit. You look good in a suit."). Ladies in the wedding party prepare to purchase an ugly dress with hideous matching shoes that you will complain costs too much and will only be worn once. Prepare for awkward conversations with drunken people that you would otherwise never associate with. Then after the smoke clears, married couples, going out with married couples, sharing married couples thoughts, expressing married couples ideas and then, cap off the night with a game of charades at our place.

Hey, don't get me wrong, marriage can be a great thing (my parents are married), but it sure can be fun to make fun of as well.

I could just as easily discuss:

1. Being single with an embarrassing secret about your
gentalia.

2. Having a baby that doesn't like you.

3. Marrying livestock (the pros and cons).

4. Being Italian in the South (look for my upcoming books, "Southern Fried Veal Piccata" or "Dixie Parmigiana," or "Keep an Eye on the Eyetalian."

5. Having sex with the obnoxious (the do's and don'ts).

So, the Merle story.

We shook hands at soundcheck. He introduced himself, "Hi I'm Merle." Then I left him to do what he had to do. My set started shortly after 7:30 PM just playin' to about 1400 folks settling in. About 7:35 the sewage backs up in this beautiful outdoor venue, and as I'm gettin into my first song, a big waft of well, waste comes blowin' over me and the crowd. I'm thinkin' to myself, "Do I smell what I think I smell?" I carry on slightly distracted, and the set was well received (nice clapping after the songs and all that).

I walk off the stage and shortly after, run into Merle coming
down the stone steps in the back (he couldn't have watched the
show from any spot without being crowded by admirers). He locks
eyes with me and says,"Howdya do?"

"I think we all had a good time out there, they should be warmed up for ya."

"Well thank you," he replied.

"Merle, I was wondering if you would sign this guitar for me?”

I pulled out my 1947 Gibson LG2 all nice and worn,"

You don't want someone like me writing all over a beautiful guitar like this," he said.

"Merle, that is exactly what I would love you to do."

He smiled and obliged, then lifted the guitar and felt the
weight of it and said, "Mmm. Feels like there's a few more songs in this one," and handed it back to me.

I felt sufficiently blessed and asked him if he might play "If I Could Only Fly." A few of The Strangers (Merle's band) were standing behind him and said, "Did you hear him Merle? He wants to hear "If I could Only Fly." He looked at the band and then at me and said, "Yeah, I think we can play that one tonight, sure."

I told him enjoy the show and he headed on to the stage as the
Merle hungry crowd erupted at the site of our hero. He opened with "Wino In The Corner"(this venue is The Paul Masson Winery). I can't remember the second, and number three was "If I Could Only Fly.”

The show was truly amazing, everyone had a great time and my guitar now plays better than it ever did.

Dogs in Concert,

Jack Grace