A Dog's Life: Entrepreneurial Tips from Mikey

As most entrepreneurs know, success stems from a variety of activities. They often include planning, manufacturing, finance, staffing and marketing.

And, as even the most logical small business people acknowledge, there's also the X factor. Call it serendipity, karma, kismet or whatever - it counts.

I am a prime example.

My name is Mikey aka Phillippe aka some other complicated French name no one from my jaded past seems able to remember.

I was born a year or so ago at a kennel in Philadelphia. My first entrepreneurial endeavor was finding a good home for myself.

Although I choose to remain positive about the circumstances of my birth, let's just say the breeder who arranged my entry into this world may have been a few Milk Bones short of a full box.

She was supposed to be producing either purebred Portuguese water dogs, which typically grow to 50-plus-pounds of black-and-white poodleish good looks, or Bichon Frises, which usually mature into 10 pounds of white fluff-ball attractiveness.

Well, I showed up as a mix of each, the offspring of an unauthorized canoodle between a giant male and a tiny female. My head looks as if it belongs in Jamaican reggae band while my body would fit right in on the lap of Scandinavian royalty.

Picture comedian Whoopi Goldberg's head on actor Sharon Stone's body, turn both celebrities into males, and you pretty much have the picture.

Most people don't think it's very pretty.

During my first year of life, I tried valiantly to sell myself to potential adoptive parents. But no bites.

Like many fledging entrepreneurs, I was unable to get my product - in this case myself -- off the cold, hard ground. I lacked the packaging and sales background needed to attract potential parents.

When my original breeder went out of business, I decided to get a new marketing approach. So I checked around for an organization specializing in finding homes for “abused, unwanted and abandoned companion animals.”

About three months ago, I joined forces with Main Line Rescue, a nonprofit organization operating in Montgomery and Chester Counties.

Within days of our alliance, the rescue came up with a new strategy to attract a family willing to take me in for the next 15 years.

Without a single protest from me, they arranged for Dr. Steven Prior in Westtown to inoculate me for rabies and neuter me for birth control. Supremely confident of my masculinity, I had no problem whatsoever with the latter procedure.

The rescue folks also bathed my coat back to a healthy sheen. They shaved my dirty, matted hair into a stylish buzz cut. They photographed me in a spiffy, regal post. They posted my picture on Petfinder.com, a nationwide database of adoptable animals. And, best of all, they staffed up to be able to instantaneously handle any inquiries about my availability.

Alas, throughout the late summer and early fall, no one asked about me. Despite the rescue's best packaging efforts, I seemed to be turning into what you entrepreneurial readers might call “excess inventory.”

But, in late October, the focus of my story shifted from the kennel near Phoenixville to a home in East Goshen.

There, right before Halloween, a lovable Bichon Frise named Spikey died in his mother's bed. Although the dog in question was 17 years old, his family took the loss very hard.

For three days, in fact, Spikey's human mom sobbed inconsolably. For good measure, she cried simultaneously about another canine son who died in 2000. He was a Portuguese water dog named Marley.

In early November as I continued to languish at the kennel, the bereaved dog mother swore she would never again get another pet. The pain at their deaths was simply too excruciating.

Nevertheless, during a moment of insanity one afternoon at her computer, the bereft parent Googled her way to the Petfinder website, typed in “Portuguese water dog” and came face to face with my picture. I was the only guy in the category.

The grieving mother was thunderstruck by my mixed heritage. It combined the breeds of her beloved Spikey and her forever missed Marley. Plus, I was located right in the Philadelphia area.

And so she and her husband drove a few miles to see me. They brought along their surviving children, 11-year-old Panda and 13-year-old Hershey, both Portuguese water dogs.

Now, I have to admit that I was a bit nervous. And I showed it with some odd, skittish behavior. An entrepreneur for almost two years, I still had not managed to come close to selling myself.

Luckily, during the visit, the rescue folks stepped in and saved the day.

They told my prospects that I was one of their kennel favorites. They added that I recently had taken to cuddling in a few carefully chosen human laps. They said I got along well with other dogs. They implied that I would look a lot cuter when my buzz cut grew out. They threw in that I came with a full guarantee - if my family decided they didn't want me after all, they could return me with no questions asked.

That last part kind of hurt my feelings, but how can I complain? The husband and wife with the two geriatric dogs decided to take me home. With my complete support, they renamed me Mikey as a tribute to their deceased Marley and Spikey.

I'm writing this column exactly a week after I became part of my new family. And they are clearly crazy about me.

Every morning, they spritz my body with some foo-foo dog deodorant smelling like baby powder. They brush my teeth with beef-flavored paste. They feed me Iams chicken chunks in a hand-painted bowl. They give me Genuardi carrots and apples for evening snacks. And they let me sleep with them on a Tempurpedic mattress.

Frankly, even I think my new parents may be going completely around the bend in their affection for the animal kingdom. But I'm not about to look a gift human in the mouth.

Until this morning, my new mother had required little of me but doing my duty outside the house and coming inside whenever I'm called. I easily got the hang of both behaviors by watching Panda and Hershey.

But today Mom encouraged me to write this column. She though other potential and existing small business types might enjoy reading what I have learned as an entrepreneurial dog. Here's my list of suggestions: